


we will find our way though the dark

by starstrucktooru



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, neil runs away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-11 17:42:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19544860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starstrucktooru/pseuds/starstrucktooru
Summary: "Neil passed the elevator just as the twins were coming out. His heart stammered at the sight of Andrew, but he clutched his bag strap tighter, muttered a ‘no’ and picked up his step, afraid that he would change his mind if he let his gaze linger on Andrew a few moments longer. He bolted down the stairs and ran like fury was on his heels."or: Nathan's men are back for vengeance, and Neil runs away, afraid that they'll do something to the Foxes if he stays.





	we will find our way though the dark

**Author's Note:**

> first of all: motherfuck, i've had this one started since october, and i just want it published so i don't have to look at it anymore. second of all: hi! i really hope you'll like this! i feel like the ending was rushed a bit, so if anyone has some constructive criticism, i'm completely open!

To say that settling back into normalcy after the previous year’s fiasco wasn’t easy would be an understatement, and certain freshmen didn’t exactly go out of their way to make things easier for the older Foxes. 

Everyone fell victim to the venom dripping from Jack’s tongue, but he always took special care in humiliating Neil and making him feel like utter shit,  _ Wesninski _ and  _ Butcher Boy _ igniting scorching heat in Neil’s glare. The atmosphere was antagonistic even with the rest of the freshmen, with the exception of Robin, and even the upperclassmen were apprehensive in their attempts to include them in team activities.

Even though Jack’s snide comments never quite stopped and there were instances where Wymack had to interrupt the brawls, Neil slowly learned to tune Jack out. And even if some nasty jab particularly stung him, he didn’t want to give Jack the satisfaction of knowing how much he had managed to upset him, which tended to wind Jack up even more. Neil was starting to get a hold of his father’s temper and mould it into something of his own, and it might take a while until he tamed it, but Jack was good practice.

Months passed, and the hierarchy of the court finally settled. Ichirou might still be a constant shadow in their life, and Nathan and Riko unrestful skeletons in the closet, but the bruised imprints of their fingers which had choked Kevin and Neil for so long were tentatively starting to fade.

Andrew would never care for the upperclassmen as Neil did, but he understood that they were important to Neil, and so Andrew’s lot and the upperclassmen started going out together more frequently, often with Katelyn tugging along with Aaron. If nothing, Andrew did it just for the fun of staring down the upperclassmen every time they tried to include him, because what was Andrew if not spiteful and petty.

And even though Neil had locked his skeletons tight and barred the doors, they were bound to slip through and haunt him. On those days panic rose like bile in his throat, breath caught in his throat and knees threatened to give away, and just as he felt himself slipping away, Andrew’s steady grip on the back of his neck and his kiss with the reassuring undertone of cigarettes helped tether him down to Earth.

During his freshman year, Neil had learned to associate the acrid smoke with Andrew, with safety and  _ home _ , but as the clock ticked down to the anniversary of Mary’s death, Neil’s attachments reverted back to the time before Neil Josten; Chris’s run and the chase, Alex’s horrid nights huddled together for safety in dingy old motels with moulded ceiling, and the lonely year he had spent in Millport. He had had the talk with Andrew, times and times over, and he understood that what Mary did was abusive and that Andrew despised her with a ferocity that matched Neil’s own hatred towards Tilda, Cass and all the foster homes that had ever brought Andrew pain, but Mary had still been his mother, and everything she had done was to protect him.

He tried not to show his disquiet, but both from the long exposure to the Foxes and the fact that he had told them the truth about his past, he couldn’t quite hide it well. He would space out during the practices, go for longer runs early in the morning and would more often than usual stay longer with Kevin on the court and then run back to Fox Tower. Needless to say, The Foxes noticed the change and always made efforts to include Neil in their card games and movie nights. He even let Nicky rope him into going on shopping trips with him and spent several nights playing video games with Aaron in pleasant silence, with an occasional chit-chat about their hatred for their shared professors. They weren’t going to be best buddies anytime soon, and their progress might be slow, but they were putting effort into trying to overcome their past disagreements, and that was what mattered. 

He still went to the roof with Andrew every night, and by the pointed look Andrew gave him, he knew that Andrew noticed the renewed, barely, but still there, rigidness in his body, the new rush and sharper tugs on his bottom lip, desperate fingers threading through his hair, but waited patiently for Neil to spill his worries.

And Neil would’ve been fine, would grit his teeth and stand his ground against his itch to run, but that was until he noticed cloaked figures lurking in the dark. A conspicuous figure creeping in the shadows one night after the foxes stayed on the court for longer than usual, another one on a crisp autumn morning when Neil went out for an early run, or that one time when Neil trudged tiredly to Fox Tower from his math class. He thought it to be just his paranoia and fatigue finally getting him and, along with Jack’s shitty comments and the anniversary haunting his mind. The thought of Ichirou sending his men to check up on him kept him agitated for days.

The foxes were in the girls’ room preparing for another team outing (the invitation relayed to the freshmen, in Dan’s desperate hope they’d come around like Andrew’s lot) while waiting for Andrew and Aaron to come back from their session with Bee, and Kevin was at Wymack’s for some father-son bonding, when Neil heard a knock on the door. When he opened them, nobody was there, just a single envelope lying on the matt. Neil, tired out of his mind, didn’t give it much thought; it was probably another prank by some students intrigued by the infamous exy team. He snorted mockingly at the thoughts of what ridiculous thing he’ll find in it this time, but the moment he opened it, the smirk slipped from his lips, and he grabbed the chair’s backrest to steady himself.

The floor tilted beneath his feet, his ears buzzed from the shock and he blinked to fight off the dark spots from his eyes. In his hands were the pictures of the foxes; the girls sitting on the lawn in front of the campus, Aaron and Katelyn holding hands in one of the cafes, Nicky and Matt browsing for video games just a week earlier, one of Kevin and Wymack grocery shopping with Abby, and pictures of Andrew; in front of Fox Tower, buying cigarettes in a nearby shop, while going with Renee to one of their sparring sessions,  _ Junior _ written in a messy scrawl in the back.

Neil felt sick to his stomach. He could hear the foxes’ laughing in the hallway; the twins must be near the Fox Tower, and they should be heading out soon. He stood up and bolted to the bedroom. He’d run. He couldn’t live with himself knowing that the foxes were in danger because of him again. Not after everything they’d done for and been through because of him. The question was how to get through the foxes without them noticing he was gone for good. Andrew would never forgive him for this, and the thought felt like ice in his veins, but it had nothing against the unfiltered terror of the image of Andrew’s body, tortured and beaten to a pulp, six feet under.

His eyes scanned the room wildly, almost missing his answer; his gear bag. He brought his old duffel from under the bed and quickly switched his things from the duffel to the gear bag. It wouldn’t hold for long, certainly not against Andrew, but if he could make them think he was off to the Court to blow out some steam for at least a few hours, he could easily slip through and disappear. He looked around once again, checking to see if he had missed anything and, swallowing the bile rising in his throat, he turned off his phone and pocketed it and the charger Andrew had given him. He pushed the keys to the bottom of the bag where he wouldn’t look at them, knowing they would raise suspicion if left in the room. He would have to get rid of them as soon as possible, though. They were too much of a temptation to carry around.

He steeled himself and, ruffling his hair as to appear messy and dishevelled (not that it took too much to do that), exited the room, hoping that Jack would take the bite.

“Woah there, Nathaniel. What’s got you all messed up?” 

_ Bingo. _

Neil sent him a heated glare and clenched his fist around the bag’s strap.

“I don’t have time for your bullshit, Jack. Move.”

“You sure you should be getting out like that? You look like you’ve gone for a round with your dad.” 

Neil tried to push through, but Jack didn’t move.

“Neil, wait”, Matt said and tried to put his hand on Neil’s shoulder to stop him, but Neil shook his arm off.

“Listen”, Neil said. “I know what you guys are trying to do, but I can’t be here right now.”  _ Not a lie _ , he told himself. “Please just leave me alone.”

Matt’s jaw was working and there was concern in his furrowed brows, but he moved to let Neil through. 

Neil passed the elevator just as the twins were coming out. His heart stammered at the sight of Andrew, but he clutched his bag strap tighter, muttered a ‘no’ and picked up his step, afraid that he would change his mind if he let his gaze linger on Andrew a few moments longer. He bolted down the stairs and ran like fury was on his heels.

He knew he was losing precious time, but he hid in the Foxhole Court for several hours, counting on the possibility that the man would be waiting for him outside the stadium. When the shadows grew longer and the city was blanketed by the inky cloudy sky, he slipped through a gate at the other side of the stadium.

He clung to those shadows and hurried through the dimly lit and secluded streets, his feet barely touching the ground, and he risked tripping over thin air in his haste. There was never a reason to use them before, but he was glad he had discovered them back in his first year. It seemed like he would never escape, like he was in a never-ending cycle. Maybe he wasn’t running from his father, but his shadow was still haunting him, and he was running nevertheless.

After quickly changing into different clothes and burning the ones he was wearing when he had set off from Fox Tower, Neil got on a bus that would take him away from the city. He knew that it wasn’t fair to the Foxes, leaving out of the blue, and that they would turn the entire city over its head to find him, but he couldn’t risk them stopping him. The threads keeping him attached to them were a liability to their well being, and he needed to cut them at once.By the time the bus arrived at its final destination, as far away from Palmetto as it could go, the adrenaline rush dissipated, and Neil battled with his body to stay awake. His mind was clouded with the thoughts of Andrew and the Foxes, but the shock left his body wrung out and, as soon as he found a secluded street safe enough for the night, Neil closed his eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, he figured he’d bought himself some time with the stunt he’d pulled at the Court, and the fact that his father’s men would need to be more careful considering the fate of their incarcerated accomplices, so he gave himself one day to recharge and rethink his options. Even so, he couldn’t afford to be careless. In his washed out clothes, he tried to keep a low profile, keeping to the larger crowds and slipping into smaller streets when he spent too much time in the open space.

When he entered a store, his thoughts shifted to his money stash. He’d burnt out most of the money on the Maserati and was left with an unfavourable sum, but he and Mary had left a trail of money all over the continent and across. He stocked up on water and food supplies, and bought a map and a marker. The rest of the day he spent in an abandoned warehouse, organizing his path along the money trail and calculating his expenses. For a brief moment, he thought about seeking refuge at Stuart’s, but dismissed the thought as soon as it came. Neil didn’t doubt that Stuart would let him stay until the situation was resolved, but he’d managed to survive worse. He’d call Stuart only if worse came to worst.

As he was making space in the duffel for the emergency supplies, his eye caught a glimpse at his phone half-buried beneath the clothes. His fingers twitched for it, twitched with wanting and regret, but on their heels was fear, cold and unforgiving like ice, covering Neil like a blanket. He missed his Foxes, but they were the reason he had to leave. Better to miss them alive than six feet under.

He knew the phone was a danger, a voice in the back of his mind whispering until he gave in, but he couldn’t make himself throw it away. It was as tempting as it was comforting, and the best he could do was push it until it got lost in the pile of clothes on the bottom of the duffel. It didn’t do much, but it’ll have to do. Neil lay down and clutched at the bag until he felt the phone beneath his fingers, and closed his eyes.

Fridays were a blessing and a curse. They meant more people on the streets which would allow Neil to conceal himself easier, but it would also be harder to distinguish innocent passerby from his suspicious figures. He relaxed his posture in an attempt to look carefree and inconspicuous, but kept a sharp eye on the people surrounding him.

Neil felt a shove on his shoulder and scrammed. He knew it might’ve been accidental, knew that people often hurried and didn’t watch where they were going, but a couple of sleepless days and nights filled with fear after a fixed schedule with the Foxes rattled him, and panic overtook logic. By the time he reached a small dead-end street out of the general view, he was out of breath, and his palms clammy and shaking. He grabbed the first clothes he could get his hands on and hurried back onto the street. That way, even if someone did catch sight of him, they would be misled even for a couple of hours. That was all he needed to disappear.

Neil tried to calm his nerves, clutching at the strap of his duffel for support, but his frantic heartbeat loosened up only when he spotted a drugstore. Only when he stood in front of the hair dyes could he steady his shaky breathing. And then he smelled it. At first it was faint, but when he pressed the shirt against his nose, he realized he was right. He must’ve accidentally taken Andrew’s shirt when he was running from Fox Tower. It smelled just like the cologne Andrew always wore, and Neil felt like his breath was knocked out of him all over again. His chest panged with emotion, like a feeble dam trying to keep rushing water from spilling all over and causing complete wreckage.

Neil desperately tried to keep the dam from overflowing, but the thoughts of the Foxes were like little bombshells on his conscience, and his mind suddenly shifted to Riko and Lola. He thought about knives and that damn dashbord lighter, to Tetsuji’s cane and his father’s face smiling the devil above him, thinking up the ways to make his suffering as long as possible.

He thought about the Foxes, standing brave before his father’s men, falling one by one like a stack of dominos. He knew they were tough, the strongest people he’s ever met, but even with Matt and his fists, and Renee and Andrew with their knives, with every one of them giving it their best, he knew they didn’t have a chance.

That’s why he had to leave. That’s why he went through Nathan and Lola, so nobody would ever be able to hurt his family again. He knew that if he didn’t get out of that wretched town now, his feet would carry him to Fox Tower and he wouldn’t be able to stop them. He wouldn’t want to stop them. In the end, Neil bought a blond hair dye - he hadn’t been blond since France, five years ago - and left.

It was in the evening, however, when Neil accepted defeat. He’d just sat down to relax before he’d catch another bus out of town, when he noticed the people around him. Or better to say, how at ease and familiar they felt to him. Here, on a bench close to him, was a girl in a rainbow shirt reading a book that reminded him of Renee. There, a whiff of perfume and the fierce click of heels, was Allison. Kids playing with soccer balls reminded him of Nicky and Erik watching soccer whenever Erik flew over, there were couples laughing and holding hands and ads for healthy smoothies. Before he could change his mind, he put the phone to his ear. It didn’t take long before the call got picked up. He took a deep breath.

“I can’t do it. I can’t bury Nathaniel.”

He could hear wind and the slamming of the roof door. Then Andrew’s voice. “What happened?”

Neil felt the dam finally break, but instead of fear came relief, and Andrew’s voice washed away all the worry and fatigue at once. Truth came out easily. “They’re back. My fath- Nathan’s men. And they had photos of you. All of you. I couldn’t let them hurt you.”

“I thought we talked about that martyr card of yours, Josten. Stay there”, Andrew says, when Neil tells him where he is, “and don’t move”.

Quickly, a scene passed before his eyes – he, sitting on a curb, and Andrew coming back for him from the interstate last year – and he managed a small smile. He raked his hands through his hair, hanged up, and did the first thing he learned at The Foxhole Court. Trusted Andrew.

The night had long since fallen, and Neil was still sitting on the same bench when he heard footsteps approaching him. He could feel his body tensing, bracing for the disappointment in Andrew’s face, but it never came. Instead, Andrew just crouched at him and put a hand on the back of Neil’s neck, gently brushing his fingers through his hair. Neil’s shoulders drooped and he put his forehead against Andrew’s.

They stood like that, in comfortable silence, for a few moments; Neil revelling in the safety of Andrew’s presence, and the familiar scent of cigarettes and something that’s simply Andrew. He felt a soft brush of Andrew’s lips on his forehead and felt his heart skip a beat. But, as much as he didn’t want to ruin that moment, there was something he needed to say, even if Andrew didn’t believe in regret.

“I’m sorry.”

To his credit, Andrew didn’t strengthen the hold on Neil’s neck like he thought he would. With his other hand, he gently nudged Neil’s chin, bringing Neil’s tired gaze to his own, firm and steady.

“You came back.”

Neil huffed a bitter laugh, and softly shook his head.

“I missed you to much to let go”, he put his hand on top of Andrew’s and laced their fingers together, the words now spilling more urgent and afraid, “and it’s going to be my fault when you get hurt. Andrew, these men-”

“Are not your problem anymore. The next time you see them, you report them to the FBI.”

“But how can I trust them knowing they let them slip through?”

“-or me. Don’t trust them. Trust me. I’ll deal with them”

“Like I'd let you end up in jail.” 

“Who says I’d get caught? Besides, Ichirou wouldn’t be too happy to know someone interfered with his investment. If you don’t trust the pigs, trust the bastard. He killed his own brother when you said he was losing him money. Nathan’s men are just a thorn in his side. It’d cost him almost nothing to kill them off compared to the money he’d lose if you died.”

Neil did laugh this time; a little breathy laugh, but it was a start, nonetheless. It wasn’t really back to normal, couldn’t be, and some time would have to pass before Neil felt his family was safe again, but their banter, and how sure Andrew sounded helped calm him down.

He kissed the knuckles of Andrew’s hand holding his chin, and then pushed up to stand, holding up a hand for Andrew to take. He did.

“Oh, and you’re grounded. Prepare to drink Kevin’s dumb smoothies for the next two weeks. And we decided not to let out of the Fox Tower until it’s sure you won’t go all rabbit on us again.”

“We?”

“It was a team decision. But Aaron proposed it.”

Neil winced. “Shit, does that mean I have to be nice to him now?”

“As much as he’d enjoy it, he’d probably tell you to stop because you’d look stupid.”

“Oh, thank fuck.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! if you liked it, please leave a kudo or a comment, and if you want to reach me, you can do it at minyardxva.tumblr.com or at @minyardxva on twitter <3


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